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Five Ways to Make a
Marriage Click |
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Novelty and gift stores still keep crystal decorations with ‘25’
embossed on them – and there are people whose marriages last
even longer. They are not the results of forced marriages in
early youth within strong cultural and religious barriers, nor
are they the result of devoted worshippers who believe suffering
a rotten marriage in silence is the best way to please God and
make things easy on the last day. Some couples just manage to
make their union click, even in this age of divorce, prenuptial
agreements and vulgar court battles fought by greedy
celebrities.
The greatest secret to a successful marriage is that it does not
have a ready recipe book to be photocopied and distributed. A
good marriage is always ‘customised’ to the teeth -- the two
people who are a part of it go out of their way to make things
special for each other. All of us are different, so the only way
to manage a marriage perfectly is to know your partner and
yourself thoroughly and be willing to take things on as they
come. Below are some properties that most of these
happily-ever-after matches have – but once again – they are no
magic formula.
The Importance of Respect
Why do you love your spouse? If you start thinking carefully,
you will realize that the physical attributes play a great role
in it all, and there is no reason why they should not. We are
not talking of storks bringing in the babies here. But do you
really respect him or her for what he or she is? Respect is a
heavy word -- it weighs more than love. You have to respect your
partner’s opinions, his or her idea of personal space, and
retain your own respect at the same time. Slavishly following
every whim of your partner and then behaving like a spoilt child
once this transient charm of saying yes to everything is over is
not what makes a marriage.
There are too many people squabbling over money, career, child
rearing, household duties and every possible angle of a conjugal
life today. These petty disagreements are not going to occur if
two people respect each other. It is difficult, and not blindly
done, but those who can manage it have found the key to
happiness.
The Meaning of Commitment
Do you walk around with your resignation letter in your pocket?
Do you automatically look for loopholes while signing a
contract? Do you like painting one day and want to take up
pottery on the next? When a person is fickle-minded, it will
show in every aspect of his or her actions. In marriage,
commitment does not limit itself to being tied down to the
marital bed. It may sound shocking, but there are couples who
have actually had open affairs with other people and stayed
undyingly true to each other. And there are chaste and prim
creatures who surf pornography on the sly. Commitment is a
contract between you two – you define the terms – and ensure you
stick to them.
The Value of Freedom
Marriage and freedom, in popular imagination, are opposite
terms. The moment you marry, you are supposed to be fettered to
the other in ‘wedlock’. But love is all about setting free, not
tying down. Couples who have led gloriously happy married lives
have learnt how to be free within their marriage. This includes
freedom of opinion, thought, action and emotion – up to a degree
mutually agreed upon. We are not advocating a Bohemian
lifestyle, but marrying does not mean enrolling into prison life
either.
The Role of Communication
How do you voice your love? Some shout it from rooftops, some
look around before whispering it into the ear. Communication is
not just talking, but connecting in general. You can say volumes
through touch, smile, nod, glance and silence. Do you understand
each other? If you don’t, or if you find you have to spell out
everything and yet make that extra effort to get yourself
across, then maybe you should reconsider things.
Romance Never Dies
The day you stop your courtship is the day the fire dies in the
hearth. Whether it’s a holiday to Europe or a weekend drive, a
diamond ring or a quick kiss before going to work – every
gesture counts – because these are the actions we remember most.
This is no wishful talk, but a proven attribute of human nature.
About The Author
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would
like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see
http://www.quickie-divorce.com
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