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How To Make Many
Friends Easily |
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With every goal you have in life, people will always be a
critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on
how well you deal with people and the level of influence you
have on them. In order to really influence people you must
become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You
must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on
this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat
everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it.
Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than
anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of
respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the
first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most
people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people
step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy
person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do,
but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it
to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy
but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the
happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I
feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time;
things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage
you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in
something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start
today and each day after that will get easier. Each different
experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that
you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate
conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of
control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have
you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to
their ways, dictating your body language and basically
synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally
imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other
person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to
approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad,
approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will
slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood.
Now you will have a better chance of having a better
conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up
any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving
off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of
an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you
set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and
immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as
possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set
of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have
friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians,
writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I
quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage
to set up you will know how to get the other person to think
very highly of you. For example by being observant you will
catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way
he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.)
which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes.
By really imagining what being that person is like it will give
you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you
get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to
communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up
persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and
general things that appeal to them which gives me information to
work with in the process of winning that person as a friend.
Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will
ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something
that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly
why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable
about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is
one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they
are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict
their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is
supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I
would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better,
we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have
backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it,
because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body
language will do most of the talking and the other person will
immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always
be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement.
If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will
come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks
up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you
been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying
“what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your
saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things
you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach
someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone
with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person
defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open
arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other
person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach
them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile
too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because
both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral
mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if
you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood
immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will
place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you
can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is
important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key
is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more
likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from
being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be
able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited
to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the
person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy.
Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk.
Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply
hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely
different things and the person can tell if you’re really
listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good
listener is a skill, you must become an active listener.
Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you
don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person
will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was
he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know
why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly
benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective
listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s
thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to
remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but
most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this
as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them
doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people
to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think
about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person
is talking so much that when you try and say something they
still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person
because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do
most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the
situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to
say. In this situation still try and get the other person
involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something
just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t
even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of
friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just
loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is
that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What
ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as
that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those
thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than
do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so
you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs
in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone
who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t
because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t
care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of
conversation to you. The other person might also have great
momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt
them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back
to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who
enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you
interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the
other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out
completely different information. Because you interrupted them
the other person might not even want to continue telling you
about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere
compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do
something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people
don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about
people. In the end the little things are what matter and what
end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you
see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on
something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other
people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for
doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other
people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever
anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let
them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous
get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must
provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be
the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight
or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their
confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will
not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why
their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch
their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can
make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on
becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative
aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why
they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere
excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to
be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes
and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of
the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when
you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now
that the person is excited you need to point them in the right
direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find
out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and
deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with
small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and
than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the
whole process you will build a deeper and more influential
relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere
friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with
someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in
an event or trip your relationship with those people will become
even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never
developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of
time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends
we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made
incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of
experiencing new things together. Experiences are always
magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you
are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh
but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you
and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more
influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
About The Author
Ivan Campuzano
A recent Colorado State University graduate with a degree in
Finance. While at CSU Ivan studied abroad for a semester at the
School of Economics (VSE) in Prague. Prague was such an amazing
experience for Ivan, that he decided to move back and pursue
several of his dreams.Interests:
investing,trading,reading,traveling,music,meeting new people,and
looking for new opportunities
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