Click Here
for more articles
|
|
|
|
Long Distance Relationships:
Tips For Making Them Work |
|
As a couples therapist, I'm often asked if long distance
relationships can be successful. The answer is yes, but long
distance relationships are complex and
for it to work, both partners must be on same page.
Here are some tips for making it work:
- Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are
both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be
difficult and awkward
questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and
misunderstanding down the line. For example, are you open to the
possibility of relocating if the
relationship should become more serious?
- Communicate in some way every day - more than once if
possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important
to establish and maintain an
emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth
conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each
other about your little triumphs
and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program
or VoIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual
connection. E-mail is great so make
sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a
strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or
flowers for no reason. In this case,
quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an
advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't
take communication for granted!
- Recognize, and take advantage of, the benefits that long
distance relationships offer such as more time with friends
and/or family, no arguments over
toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again
after a long absence. Most important, being far apart gives you
a chance to maintain your
individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when
couples spend all their free time together.
- Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart.
If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it
individually and then call each
other afterward and discuss it. Read a certain book at the same
time. Stargaze while on you're on the phone. Set your watches to
go off at the same time
every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner.
Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off,
and revel in the fact that
he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to
bond.
- Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will
and no one can or should control another person. As long as you
are both interested in being in
the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not
make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is
not a good match - or someone else
is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live
3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with
your wedding picture on the wall.
Most relationship advice boils down to common sense; needless to
say you are going to have to trust each other completely if this
relationship is going to
work.
- Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately
you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get
to that point will help you prove to
each other that long distance relationships can go somewhere and
that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
- Perhaps the toughest aspect of long distance relationships is
this: Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any
relationship, this can be
especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes
one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason,
when arguments (yes, you'll
have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems
like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the
relationship. Either you'll
decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having
overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.
About The Author
Emily Kensington is a couples therapist. For free relationship
advice and romance tips visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com
|
|
