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What Is The Best Age To Marry?
A Closer Look At The Research |
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As a couples therapist, I frequently give relationship advice
about the best age, if any, to get married. While there is no
magical age to get married, one is almost always better off
waiting to get married, for lots of good reasons.
First, the divorce rate has been hovering at 50% for years, and
is much higher the younger you get married. Teenage or early
adult marriages have a divorce rate of 75%-85%, and surveys show
that the older the female is at the time of her first marriage,
the longer the marriage lasts.
I ask you: If you were boarding on a plane with a 50% chance of
crashing, would you get on?
The reason for the high divorce rate, particularly among
teens/early adults, is simple: From a basic developmental
perspective, peoples' needs and goals change over time, and at
age 30 you will be a much different person than you were at 18
or 21. Also, studies indicate that the purely chemical
"butterflies in the tummy" feeling one gets when in love only
lasts between two to six months, if your lucky. In other words,
it doesn't last, so perhaps it's best to be with your current
love without making things more complex by getting married.
Also, while there is no perfect way to determine the potential
stability of a given marriage, the following questions are vital
prior to considering such a huge life change.
Prior to getting married, one has to be mature enough to
realize:
-Love is not enough; the stresses of a young couple are real,
and the struggle for decent jobs, housing, and health insurance
are real stresses that can destroy any couple. Why rush to take
on difficult adult responsibilities?
-Consider your own needs, goals, and relationship requirements.
Does your partner satisfy them? It is rare for a teenage or
young adult to have enough life experience to know what they
really want.
-You MUST be totally emotionally, physically and financially
independent from your parents. Healthy marriages require two
independent individuals to make a complete whole. Young couples
typically marry to get away from their parents or a negative
home environment, but there are other ways to cope.
-Relationships need time to see if behavior patterns are
consistently healthy. So ask, how long has this union been happy
and healthy?
-Get to know yourself. What do you want in life? What do you
wish to contribute to the world and how? Live purposefully, then
you'll meet others with similar world views and life visions.
About The Author
Emily Kensington is a couples therapist. For free relationship
advice and romance tips visit http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com
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